The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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