Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
