I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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