We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
