i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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