Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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