Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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