No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
