I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
smell my finger.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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