I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
