Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize