I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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