Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got inside last night via doggy door
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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