I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
