So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
