Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
