So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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