i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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