No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
