I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize