i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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