I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
