im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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