He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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