I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
