it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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