So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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