On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
