i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
