just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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