You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
