Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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