this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
