I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
