Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
