Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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