he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
