I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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