His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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