Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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