Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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