What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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