A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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