How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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