We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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