My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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