3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
