if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
