i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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