glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
