We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
