I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
