I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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