Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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