Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
