youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
