found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
