if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
