I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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