Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
