went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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