We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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