Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
