WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
