BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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