During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
