i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
