I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
