at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
people are starting to question the shark bite story
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
