Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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