When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
