There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
