this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
