I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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