I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
