so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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