My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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