If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
