Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
