i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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