; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
