how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
