I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
