I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
