we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
