I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize