So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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