She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
