but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
