is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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