I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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