Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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